dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Randomize
