when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Randomize
