how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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