Dual....:-)
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
FUCK WHALES
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
