I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I think pants incapable of making pants work
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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