Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
