Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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