its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
