brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
