dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I will pee on everything he values.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
