Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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