At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Randomize
