So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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