Don't make out with my wife yet
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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