Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
