My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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