do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
