the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
