I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
