I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
