I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
