just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
