Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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