Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
You can't motorboat a personality
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
so much tequila, so little girl.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
