Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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