Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
