Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
