My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
