last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
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