why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
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He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
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My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
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