this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Randomize
