pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
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