so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Randomize
