I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
