I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
