He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
