Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
