oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
