I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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