nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
