if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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