alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
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