my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
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who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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