I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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