he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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