Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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