if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
