I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
