The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
