I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize