this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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