Pants 0. Shit 1.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
