Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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