This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I didn't notice because vodka
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
