She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
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