dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
