Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Bring me that man meat
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
