I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
