If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
