then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
