Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
