Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
