I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
