I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
