i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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