My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
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