How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
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