i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
