There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
