Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
