Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
