Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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