you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
i believe in u and ur pee
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
