At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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