mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
