woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
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