Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
