i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
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